It happens. I study and learn. I practice and expand my skill set. It really doesn’t matter what part of life I am looking at: relationships or work skills or witchcraft or singing. It doesn’t even matter how good aI am at whatever has brought me to this thought. Eventually, I am again sitting in my despair asking myself “When will I be good enough?”
The short answer is never.
I have two reasons and a qualifier.
First reason: I will never be good enough for the part of myself that judges me because it is not constructed in a way that “good enough” is actually a possibility. It’s like a computer program that is set to only acknowledge the numbers 1-10. There is no such thing as zero to that program. Nor can it conceive of 42. The programming doesn’t have a capacity for “good enough.” Poor, dear program trying to save my life but not able to know what saved is.
The second reason: I am, inherently, someone who likes to do my best work. Part of who I am is a person who wants to do better and learn more. I like learning about new techniques for my career and your hobbies. I like exploring the world and visiting new places. And that part of me, realistically, knows there is, and always will be, more to learn . That fuels a sense of ambition which sometimes sounds like, “There is too much to ever learn it all!” and sometimes sounds like “I can do better.” And, maybe I can do better, if I learn more. But just because some future me can do better, me today has done her best and that is fine.
The caveat is that I can chose to define what “good enough” is right now. I can hold myself as “good enough” right now. That can be my stance and my mantra and my work, if I want. I can take a stand on the foundation of “I am good enough.”
If I want to.
That doesn’t mean I will feel that way all the time. But I can keep practicing believing that about myself. Even when I can do better, even when i cannot conceive of “good enough” I can take the stance and choose to believe that all I do and all I am is good enough.
Wild Witch Wondering 