A person in a private group I’m part of recently shared that they are unsupressing their Divine Feminine and learning to be more vulnerable as they walk their healing journey. They were looking for stories and encouragement. It got me writing about my own unfolding in this area.
On the surface, my story is about clothes. I know that clothing is about as stereotypical a “Women’s Topic” as there can possibly be. But clothing is also about self expression. What a person wears communicates things about their mood, their creativity, their self confidence, and even their goals for the day. Clothing is about sensuality in fabrics and colors and drape. Clothing is about self acceptance of what your size and shape are. It’s also about being willing to be seen or hidden depending on what you wear.
It used to be that the only role I thought I belonged in was “mom”. I wore jeans and t-shirts and tennis shoes all the time because “You never know when you’re going to need to clean a toilet or mop up vomit.” I was always ready to help in the background work of something or get someone to an event or getting a meal together. Always focused on taking care of others and hiding a lot of feelings and passion and needs and power.
The first change I made was to promise myself I would only buy clothes that fit, now. That required a lot of self acceptance and paying attention to how clothes feel on my body. Which led me to pay attention to the textures in clothing. Which opened up a whole new world of sensuality. Soft sweaters became as important as warm sweaters. In the summer, I wore more tank tops so I could enjoy the feel of the sun on my shoulders and the breeze blowing past my neck on a hot day.
Wearing tank tops required me to be more brave about being seen. Baggy t-shirts and loose jeans are comfortable but they can also be excellent for hiding. Hiding my body in loose clothes makes it easy to hide myself in the back of the crowd. Being a little exposed by a tank top meant developing a thicker skin about other people’s judgments about my body. In this day and age, almost everyone has opinions about every type of body. Letting some of those opinions stay with the people who have them and walking around enjoying what you have feels very bold.
Sensual and bold often feels sexy to me, too. And, for me, there is something powerful in feeling sexy. I wanted to feel more powerful so I started using that as a standard for my wardrobe choices. I had a sweater that was warm and sensual and sexy and fit well. That became my “gold standard” for sweaters, and for clothing in general. Slowly, over a year or two, my sense of being bold and sexy and powerful grew and I let that sense choose the clothes I would buy. I let friends suggest new styles and explored many options recently available, honing in on what styles and colors feel most like me. In the process, I have developed a better understanding of who I am and how I want to express that to the world.
My clothes do a lot to express all the moods and plans I have. When getting dressed, I think about what I am feeling as well as what I am doing. I have a practical streak so when it is time to garden or camp or scrub a toilet, I wear old clothes,T-shirts, and polar fleece sweatshirts. On the other hand, some clothes, like a lace ball gown complete with train, get left in the back of the closet until I find the right time and the courage to wear them. There are still days that I would rather wear a pink fuzzy sweater and jeans and wish the world would take care of me. But most days I enjoy wearing clothes that remind me that I am accepting, sensual, bold, brave, sexy, and powerful. I think those are definitely qualities found in the Divine Feminine.
Wild Witch Wondering 