Wild Witch Wondering

Or: Why Valentine’s Day is Vital

Hint: This holiday is not Really for newly in love people

Here’s the thing: So many people I know in established relationships talk about Valentines Day with contempt. They say “It’s just there to sell cards and candy” and “I hate people telling me I have to give someone a present.” I see that point of view. And they are missing something.

Valentine’s Day isn’t really for new lovers. They are already celebrating their relationship all the time. This holiday is more for those who have been together for a while. When you have your relationship established, it gets easier and easier to take it for granted. Some of that is good. At some point, you begin to trust that the person is in your life for the long haul. You make solid long term plans. Maybe you live together or buy big things like cars or maybe you even start taking responsibility for other lives and get a dog or have children. After a few years of time together, that trust can become something beautiful, consistent, dependable.

And, the other parts of life can distract you from your love and contentment. The person doesn’t necessarily trigger those happy hormones after a few years. There’s lots of research out there on changes in hormone responses after 4 years and 7 years. All the needs of family and work and community and housework can keep your attention. Many people, myself included, get caught up in what needs to get done and forget that that steady rock relationship needs ongoing attention and appreciation.

In a discussion about “Relationship Green Flags” lately, someone suggested this one: They are planful about celebrating together. Finding times for special joy, unique to the two of you. I really love this one. Because it recognizes that relationships need times where you celebrate that you have a relationship. Relationships need times where you celebrate being together. But I, and probably many other people, get very caught up in braciating form one problem to another, with brief periods of rest and recovery. And there are times in life where everything seems to be a problem that needs an immediate solution. When we are caught in those times, how can we remember to make plans and celebrate together? When someone we love is caught in those times, how can we remind them that we are more than a rock of reliable support?

Holidays are there to remind us to take some time to focus on the people in our lives. Keep the relationship connections that you value real and vital. And Valentine’s Day is especially that for your romantic relationships. As a matter of fact, we have communally, culturally, agreed it is a good time to take a moment for those relationships. It is a time that makes sense to do so. We have made it through the winter holidays. Usually, the Lunar New year has been celebrated. The Catholics, and many other christians, are gearing up for lent but haven’t started, yet. It is pre planting season, and the beginning of baby livestock season but probably not in full swing, most places (though I could be entirely wrong, there). It is a cold dark month for much of North America and it really needs some reason to ease that sense of unrelenting drudgery that is secular life in February. Why not take some time to celebrate that you love the ones you love?

Without that love, life is colder and darker. So, take the reminder. Especially if your relationship is established here is your reminder. Have a meal together, just for you two. Take a night, or a weekend, just the two of you. Or give a card, if that is all the reserves you have. It doesn’t have to be on the day, exactly. But, if you value the relationship, here is Valentine’s Day to remind you that you need to do something to keep it.